When do i get to play futsal again..?

Dear blog,

I miss playing futsal, i miss running up and down the pitch for the whole one hour, or sometimes more than one hour non-stop, i miss shouting and asking for the ball from my teammates, i miss chasing after the ball, i miss the moments when i can pass the ball to my teammates, i miss the moments when i get the ball from my teammates, i miss the moments when we score goals, i miss the moments we react to a win, to a loss, to a draw, I miss the moments of laughter, anger, frustration and those feelings that we have on the pitch.

I miss my Gamma FC teammates, i miss my Kappa teammates, i miss the other teams who used to beat us as though we don't even know how to play.

Can't wait for adik to get over with his SPM exams. Then, nak ajak dia n kawan2 dia maen bola sampai muak. Can't wait for the next long break, when me and my Gamma FC teammates can gather and challenge other teams. Azmir(Jawa),Aliff(Ateng), Danial(Bakun),Bob(Bobby), Fairul(Askar), Uzair(Penyu), Imran(Kuda), Ariff(Lutut),Hisa(Makelele), bila la agak2 kite smua blh kumpul, pastu lawan team laen lagi eh?

-Can't wait to start kicking the ball, again.-

Hari ini :-)

"It matters not what you are thought to be, but what you are."

Found this quote in a friend's page. It made me think. It made me ponder.

Made a few calls to people i know. People who knew me. Touched by their willingness to listen, to offer words of courage, words of wisdom.

"I'm always behind you."

"Xpe, saba. Aku kenal la ko. Jgn risau aku kan ada."

"Ala amir, kalo tuhan rase ko xleh tanggung die x kasinye ko benda2 mcm ni."

"Stop kisah, stop pikir. Orang xnak paham, biar je."

"Aku rase ada je kan ko buat baik untuk dorg. Kalo orang xleh terima keburukan ko, lantak je la. Owh time ko buat benda untuk dorg bukan main dorg suke. Bile ko buat benda buruk terus xleh terima? Terus lupe ke benda2 baik yang ko buat? Pikir la sdiri bro."


* These are some of the things they said. Again it made me think.

* Yes, i am not perfect. I have my own weaknesses. But at the same time i have my
own strength and qualities.

* To some people, I am still the old me. To others, i am not the same amir anymore.
I guess I just cannot please everybody. And I don't intend to. I am just grateful
with what I have now.





-I made my decision-

Tercipta Untukku

Menatap indahnya senyuman diwajahmu
Membuat ku terdiam dan terpaku
Mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah
Saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku

BANYAK KATA
YANG TAK MAMPU KUUNGKAPKAN
KEPADA DIRIMU

Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Sepanjang hidupku

Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Meski waktu akan mampu
Memanggil seluruh ragaku
Ku ingin kau tau
Kuslalu milikmu
Yang mencintaimu
Sepanjang hidupku

Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Meski waktu akan mampu
Memanggil seluruh ragaku
Ku ingin kau tau
Kuslalu milikmu
Yang mencintaimu


* pagi tadi dengar lagu ni kat radio..sebenarnya dah banyak kali dengar, tapi tadi the feeling was different..very very different.


P/s: baru sedar my blog ni mood bercampur-campur..kadang-kadang happy, kadang-kadang sedih. I guess that's how i am now..gembira dan sedih = gemdih :-D :-(

Soul-searching..

In need of time, in need of my own space..forgive me for whatever mistakes i've made..circumstances are such that no matter how i try to make things better, it got worse..

I guess the more people try to grip me, the more you try to get hold of me, the more you try to tie me down, the more i'll retaliate, unconsciously..

I have no reasons to lie..but at the same time i think there are things which are not supposed to be shared, things that i just have to keep within myself. Please understand that whenever i chose not to tell, it does not mean that i'm lying. Some things are best kept in our own heart, for not all human beings are transparent.

Friends, for the moment, just let me fly in the path that i have chosen..give me time, space, support and your understanding, because i need them now more than ever. If i came crashing half way, i hope you are ready to pick up the pieces, because i believe true friends will always be there.

I am adjusting my life, trying to fix one problem after another. I am no super human, so please give me time. Sometimes what you do is based on circumstances, and you just cannot explain why you chose to do what you did.

Please don't expect me to be you.., because i am me and i'm sorry if by being me i am not good enough for all of you...

To my family,luv and those who understands, thank you for being there for me.. to the rest, i am sorry for my mistakes.

Bile saye happy :-D

Only you
can make this world seem right
Only you
can make the darkness bright
Only you and you alone
can thrill me like you do
and fill my heart with love for only you

Only you
can make this change in me
For it's true
you are my destiny
When you hold my hand, i understand
the magic that you do
You're my dream come true
my one and only you, only you

Only you and you alone
can thrill me like you do
and fill my heart with love for only you

Only you
can make this change in me
For it's true
you are my destiny
When you hold my hand, i understand
the magic that you do do
You're my dream come true
my one and only you :-D




p/s: wak, if u r reading..ingatkah anda pada lagu ini..?huhu.

Smiling again :-D

feeling much better.much happier.true, things are not yet quite the same as they used to be before. but i see light, i know it's getting better :-D

to luv, i just can't stop smiling today. awk tau mcm mane nak menyakitkan hati saya dengan kebolehan awk menjawab setiap benda yang saya cakap. u understand me, n i'm glad that u do. most importantly i'm so happy that you are back, membebel :-D

don't plan on writing a long entry. just want to let the whole world know that i feel lively again. looking forward for the days to come.


i'm smiling again :-D :-D :-D

"holier-than-thou"

For one reason or another, nobody is perfect in this whole wide world. No matter how hard you try to please everyone, still, someone will get hurt.

Now, how do you judge whether a person is bad or not? You CAN'T,because you wouldn't know what he went through in his or her life. We can only know a person as good as how we see him, or what he told us. No matter how, there are still things that can't be told, and it remains a secret in that person's head.

It is sad when after all that you have done, after all the efforts you have put in, after all the help that you hand, you are being judged by one decision that you made. One decision which does not please others. One decision that you made for yourself. What hurts most is when those whom you thought knew you well, those whom you've treasured and cherished all these while turns their back on you. All of a sudden, you are perceived as one mean, useless, mindless, selfish jerk.

Things are already difficult as they are. Please don't make it any more difficult. True friends would have understood. It's fine if you disagree , but at least don't make it more difficult. We can agree to disagree can't we?

You have not come to this stage. If and when you do, when your heart starts to feel, than you will know that no matter how hard you try, you can't lie to yourself.

I know what i did was out of the norm, i am not blind. But if you do not understand, and if you have questions, why don't you come straight to me and ASK? What is the worst that can happen? In fact, you'll get your explanation, and then it is up to you whether or not to accept. But please give me my chance to be heard, because as what I've been hearing throughout my 4 years in law school, "audi alteram partem". Yeah right.Easier said than done.

What i did was different. but at the same time I believe it is not wrong.
I know it may not please a lot of people. i know it is not a popular decision. I'd rather be seen as a mean, selfish jerk, as long as i am being true to myself, as long as I am being myself.

Hypocrites? I am not interested. Please excuse me. Ouch.







P/s: Hidup ini bagaikan roda, kadang-kadang kite di atas, kadang-kadang kite di bawah. Bile kite di atas, jangan pandang rendah pada yang di bawah sebab satu hari nanti, kite mungkin akan berada di sana juga.

As long as there are still those who understands..

Dear blog. here i am again, running my fingers through this old keyboard, writing my second entry...i still feel awkward, because i've never done this before, but i guess i need to spill out what has been on my mind for long..i guess it is taking its toll on me and i don't think i can keep it within myself anymore..

I tried hard to keep my mouth shut, i kept silent, listening and taking everything that has been said about me in my strides, pretending as though these things doesn't hurt but things doesn't seem to improve. Instead, things are getting worse.

Please don't judge me because of this one decision that i made.I believe i deserve much better. I believe all of you should have known me much better...

I vow to myself, i will never say anything bad about others, because now i know how much it hurts. Keeping mum is the better option. Let others say what they want. I am only interested in the truth, and one day, the truth will prevail.

To those who understands..THANK YOU for really knowing me.

-I've never judged you before, why are you judging me..?-

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son...

it's not easy.in fact, it's very hard.please give me strength.

-I'm keeping my mouth shut.silent mode.-