Smiling again :-D

feeling much better.much happier.true, things are not yet quite the same as they used to be before. but i see light, i know it's getting better :-D

to luv, i just can't stop smiling today. awk tau mcm mane nak menyakitkan hati saya dengan kebolehan awk menjawab setiap benda yang saya cakap. u understand me, n i'm glad that u do. most importantly i'm so happy that you are back, membebel :-D

don't plan on writing a long entry. just want to let the whole world know that i feel lively again. looking forward for the days to come.


i'm smiling again :-D :-D :-D

"holier-than-thou"

For one reason or another, nobody is perfect in this whole wide world. No matter how hard you try to please everyone, still, someone will get hurt.

Now, how do you judge whether a person is bad or not? You CAN'T,because you wouldn't know what he went through in his or her life. We can only know a person as good as how we see him, or what he told us. No matter how, there are still things that can't be told, and it remains a secret in that person's head.

It is sad when after all that you have done, after all the efforts you have put in, after all the help that you hand, you are being judged by one decision that you made. One decision which does not please others. One decision that you made for yourself. What hurts most is when those whom you thought knew you well, those whom you've treasured and cherished all these while turns their back on you. All of a sudden, you are perceived as one mean, useless, mindless, selfish jerk.

Things are already difficult as they are. Please don't make it any more difficult. True friends would have understood. It's fine if you disagree , but at least don't make it more difficult. We can agree to disagree can't we?

You have not come to this stage. If and when you do, when your heart starts to feel, than you will know that no matter how hard you try, you can't lie to yourself.

I know what i did was out of the norm, i am not blind. But if you do not understand, and if you have questions, why don't you come straight to me and ASK? What is the worst that can happen? In fact, you'll get your explanation, and then it is up to you whether or not to accept. But please give me my chance to be heard, because as what I've been hearing throughout my 4 years in law school, "audi alteram partem". Yeah right.Easier said than done.

What i did was different. but at the same time I believe it is not wrong.
I know it may not please a lot of people. i know it is not a popular decision. I'd rather be seen as a mean, selfish jerk, as long as i am being true to myself, as long as I am being myself.

Hypocrites? I am not interested. Please excuse me. Ouch.







P/s: Hidup ini bagaikan roda, kadang-kadang kite di atas, kadang-kadang kite di bawah. Bile kite di atas, jangan pandang rendah pada yang di bawah sebab satu hari nanti, kite mungkin akan berada di sana juga.

As long as there are still those who understands..

Dear blog. here i am again, running my fingers through this old keyboard, writing my second entry...i still feel awkward, because i've never done this before, but i guess i need to spill out what has been on my mind for long..i guess it is taking its toll on me and i don't think i can keep it within myself anymore..

I tried hard to keep my mouth shut, i kept silent, listening and taking everything that has been said about me in my strides, pretending as though these things doesn't hurt but things doesn't seem to improve. Instead, things are getting worse.

Please don't judge me because of this one decision that i made.I believe i deserve much better. I believe all of you should have known me much better...

I vow to myself, i will never say anything bad about others, because now i know how much it hurts. Keeping mum is the better option. Let others say what they want. I am only interested in the truth, and one day, the truth will prevail.

To those who understands..THANK YOU for really knowing me.

-I've never judged you before, why are you judging me..?-

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son...

it's not easy.in fact, it's very hard.please give me strength.

-I'm keeping my mouth shut.silent mode.-